Sunrise

The Lord is so kind. He gives us all we need. I was having a rough time and trying to study and just enjoy a moment of normalcy which is a fleeting pleasure lately. I had made a playlist entitled, "Post Episode Playlist." I had gone through most of my songs in my collection and tried to pick out the ones that would serve me best after one of my sleep paralysis/seizure/spasm episodes. I added Nichole Nordeman's song Sunrise on a whim and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I thought the lyrics might encourage someone else like they encouraged me. So, here they are:

If I had the chance
To go back again
Take a different road, bear a lighter load
Tell an easy story

I would walk away
With my yesterdays
And I would not trade what is broken for beauty only

Every valley
Every bitter chill
Made me ready to climb back up the hill And find that…

(Chorus)
You are sunrise
You are blue skies
How would I know the morning
If I knew not midnight?

You’re my horizon
You’re the light of a new dawn
So thank you, thank you
That after the long night, you are sunrise

There’s a moment when
Faith caves in
There’s a time when every soul is certain God is gone

But every shadow is evidence of sun
And every tomorrow holds out hope for us
For every one of us

(Chours)

You alone will shine
You alone can resurrect this heart of mine

(Chours)

You are sunrise

Wow. What encouragement! I have been having increasing number and severity of my episodes. I had 2 sleep episodes and two seizure/spasm episodes within 10 days. Now I've had two more sleep episodes the last of which included 6 or 7 seizing/spasm instances. It has been hard. I can't lie and say that it hasn't. I have struggled with feelings that this is a punishment from God. I have struggled with not wanting to get out of bed in the morning (and some days not getting out of bed in the morning). I have struggled with wondering why I am even here if I can only crawl through and be a burden for everyone around me. Well, there is only one answer that can bring about change in all these areas. I have to find joy in the midst of sorrow. John Piper can explain this better than I can, "Nevertheless Paul makes the astonishing statement in 2 Corinthians 6:10 that what marks his life and should mark ours is “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.” This is what makes our sorrow godly. I do not claim that this experience is simple or that we can even put it into adequate words—what it means to be joyful in sorrow. Heaving sobs at the loss of a loved one does not look like joy. Indeed is not joy in its fullness, as we will know it when “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
Rather the joy that endures through sorrow is the foretaste of that future joy in God which we hope for in the future. When Jesus was “very sorrowful, even to death” in Gethsemane he was sustained by “the joy that was set before him” (Hebrews 12:2). This does not mean that he felt in the garden or on the cross all that he would feel in the resurrection. But it does mean that he hoped in it and that this hope was an experienced foretaste of that joy. Therefore, we groan here, waiting for the redemption of our bodies and for the removal of all our sins (Romans 8:23). This groaning and grieving is godly if it is molded by our delight in hope of glory (Romans 5:2-3). The delight is muffled by the pain. But it is there in seed form. It will one day grow into a great vine that yields wine of undiluted delight. So let us embrace whatever sorrow God appoints for us. Let us not be ashamed of tears. Let the promise that joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5) sustain and shape our grief with the power and goodness of God." Wow, heavy stuff. But we must remember that if we are a new creation Christ is in us. The one who endured sorrow with joy is now in us! We have hope in that. He has promised to conform us to his image. Our hope like Christ should be in the glory that is to come. We are promised a new body and that we will be exalted in Christ. We have not been promised an easy, fun, perfect life here and now. We live in a fallen world with sin surrounding us. Things are going to stink here. Just read Job. This has been going on since Adam and Eve rebelled against God's will. 2 Corinthians 5 says it well, "5:1 For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, 3 if indeed by putting it on [1] we may not be found naked. 4 For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. 6 So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, 7 for we walk by faith, not by sight. 8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9 So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him."